Here Comes the Son, the Healing Powers of Our Rainbow Baby

Do you ever flip on the radio, recognize the song, & start humming or singing along?  Maybe you are like me & belt out the chorus & mumble through the verses like you know them. I love when I enjoy a song & then look up the lyrics & they turn out to be amazing. This happened when I was putting together a play list for my younger son’s birth. Having trauma from my first birthing experience I tried my best to make the second time around better & more peaceful. I took a lot of my expectations for birth & adjusted them in the hopes of letting go & allowing the experience to be whatever it was going to be. So I thought about what I could incorporate into our birth experience that would bring peace to my heart when I started to feel anxious and naturally music was at the top of my list.

One of the songs that landed on my playlist was a familiar song by the Beatles. When I read the lyrics tears filled my eyes. The words spoke to my heart. My loss. My hope during the waiting. And the healing that this baby ended up bringing to my life.

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Here Comes the Sun ~The Beatles

Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s all right

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been clear
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s all right

As a newlywed I imagined myself having the last of my 5-7 kids at the age of 32.

Today my little misters are just under six years apart, I’m 31, have miscarried, and am only on my second child, this has felt like a long cold lonely winter. I have craved the sun so badly through this journey.

Holding Solomon for the first time was like the first time sunshine envelops your face after a long snow. It was like the warmest kindest hug you can imagine. The infant snuggles and the tiny hands grabbing my face, these things have just continued coating my heart with layers upon layers of healing salve. I find myself just breathing in deep while he’s in my arms and it’s like I can literally feel the pieces of my heart being drawn back together, as if by a magnet. The gift he is, is not wasted. His presence has helped the smiles return to our faces.

Experiencing this healing has inspired me to pray even harder for those I know struggling with infertility, & those processing through grief. I want everyone to experience this healing & joy. I know how difficult it is  in the waiting. When it seems like everyone you know is having a baby & your arms remain empty. Even having a child or children & knowing that your family just doesn’t feel complete. It’s easy for others to think you are being ungrateful for what you do have, I don’t think this is the case though. I hear over & over again about parents just knowing their family was complete when their youngest child was born. I did not feel like our family was complete after our oldest was born. I don’t feel like our family is complete now, after our rainbow baby either. I am SO incredibly thankful for them both. I know in my heart that God has more children for us to love. I may not birth them, but I know that our family will grow one way or another & I am open to however He wants to make that happen.

My life has not turned out how I planned, but it is still good. My journey to this place has been long, stormy, emotional, & difficult. As I look forward I’m sure there is more emotional & difficult experiences in store for us, but I also know we will get through them & be stronger, better, more compassionate people because of them. This doesn’t mean it has or will be easy though. Believing that God is good when things in our life are bad, or not how we pictured is difficult & that’s okay! But we were not meant to go through our journey alone, that’s why reaching out is necessary.

I shared with others when I was going through my miscarriage, because when I experienced my loss, I immediately remembered a friend I knew who had shared about her own loss. Her vulnerability gave me strength when it happened to me & I desired to provide that for someone else. You can read more about my experience here.

I struggled with feeling like I was trying to get attention for something awful happening in my life. You know what though? I had a handful of people message me privately because  they were going through the same thing. I had people ask me what were the best ways to respond to someone experiencing loss, and you can read more about what I told them here.

I believe there is simply no reason for someone to feel alone on top of all the emotions attached to what they are experiencing.

Something I started praying for after my loss was a rainbow baby. You may not know what a rainbow baby is, I know I didn’t until I miscarried. I stumbled upon the following poem which explained it & it helped me keep a flicker of hope alive in my heart, during our loss:

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Maybe you’re holding your rainbow baby as you read this basking in the healing sun.

Maybe you’re heart is aching because you are in what feels like a long cold lonely winter.

Maybe you’re pregnant & feel a little scared as you feel that ice is slowly melting.

Or Maybe you struggle to feel joy for others growing their families easily when it’s just not happening for you &  it feels like years since the sun’s been here.

It’s all right.                                        

Let me know in the comments where you’re at in your journey. I’d love for us to encourage one another wherever we are at in the process.

Our emotions when growing or trying to grow our families can be messy.

The messy emotions in me honor the messy emotions in you.

Let us always keep moving forward friends.

Namesste,

Sarah

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One thought on “Here Comes the Son, the Healing Powers of Our Rainbow Baby

  1. Pingback: It’s the 1 Year BLOGAVERSARY for Namesste Momma!!! | Namesste Momma

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