Living the Dream

Never thought we’d get old, maybe we’re still young
May we always look back and think it was better than it was
Maybe these are the moments
Maybe I’ve been missing what it’s about
Been scared of the future, thinking about the past
While missing out on now
We’ve come so far, I guess I’m proud
And I ain’t worried about the wrinkles around my smile
I’ve got some scars, I’ve been around
I’ve thrown some pain, I’ve seen some things, but I’m here now
Those good old days
~Macklemore ft Kesha
When we were pulling all nighters before going to school & working a full day. When we were counting change to buy Chinese food. When we ate regular food by candlelight because we couldn’t afford to go out. We couldn’t wait to become adults & get our crap together. The older I get, the more I realize that, having your crap together really isn’t the norm. Because even if you don’t have money problems, you probably have family, friend, or job problems. Managing it all successfully is a rarity.
Having all the answers? Yeah, that’s not really a thing.
Admitting openly you don’t have all the answers & that you’re simply doing your best, while ALSO being okay with that? Yeah, that’s an amazing thing.
So as I sit here thinking about turning 32. I’m running through all that has been & all the unknowns that lay ahead of me. But the one thing shouting the loudest while waving its hand enthusiastically in the front row? GRATEFULNESS
I’m incredibly grateful, that although I’ve not accomplished all I wanted to when I was my younger & unmarried self. I AM living the dream.
The most amazing thought crossed my mind a few weeks ago; I thought about when I was a little girl…
Every time we would go to the store, I would ogle at the baby clothes while my parents browsed. I would imagine buying all the cute tiny things, being a wife & a Mom. I remember playing “house” at recess, longing for the day I would have my own home. I remember riding adult tricycles through my Grandparents mobile home park, while imagining that I was driving my own car.
As I grew, so did my desire to be heard. I wanted to be old enough for my opinions to matter…while having a car, home, husband, family & respect.
You know what didn’t even cross my mind when I was busy wishing for all these things?
How big the house was. How fancy the car was. How much any of these things cost or were worth. I had very simple ideas of the life I wanted. So at 32 my expectations, I’ve realized, have gotten a little more specific. Now, I’d like to live in a specific neighborhood, drive a specific vehicle, have my kids wear specific clothes/look a specific way, make a specific income, have a husband who has a specific personality & style, weigh a specific amount, live a specific lifestyle…all these “specifics”, when I start thinking about them steal my joy & shift my perspective.
Because you know what? Right this very minute, in reality, I’m LIVING the dream I had when I was 8 years old. Because that dream was uncomplicated & not specific. I wanted to live a life where I was loved, appreciated, & had people to care for & who took care of me. BOOM! Done. Check it off the list.
I live in a home, that although isn’t everyone’s dream house or neighborhood, is cozy, has pictures of our beautiful family memories all over the walls, comfy furniture with blankets that we snuggle up in, food in the fridge & cupboards, my own washing machine & dryer so I can do laundry at home, & most of the time, lots of laughter.
I have a husband who adores me. Even when I annoy him, irritate him, nag him, am not as gracious or as loving as he deserves. He is a husband who is loyal to me, makes me laugh, listens to what I say [most of the time], continues to dream with me [even when it’s hard] & I never doubt that he will be by my side, rooting me on for the rest of our lives.
I have children who love me, are adorable, kind, filled with joy, enjoy tickle fights & my sarcasm [most of the time] & best of all they call me Momma.
I have a van that has more rust on it than I like & needs maintenance done on it yesterday, but it works, is reliable & fits all our tiny humans in it comfortably.
My life is messier than I prefer. But in these moments when I’m able to quiet myself & remember the simplicity of my childhood dreams…I remember that life is all about the journey. We never truly “arrive” because if we did, life would be boring. So! I will work on loving my family well, saving better, getting healthier, upgrading things & maintaining others, all while remembering that if my 8 year old self could see me right now, she would have a smile from ear to ear knowing that her wishes all came true.

Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful & that’s why today I’m watching gratefulness do cartwheels in front of the crowd of all those specific expectations I have formed for my life.
I’m grateful for what I have. I’m grateful for what’s to come. & gasp! I’m even grateful for the process. I’m saying that last part through a partially gritted teeth smile…so there’s still progress to be made, but I’ll get there 😉
Happy Birthday to me!

17 thoughts on “Living the Dream

  1. Great thoughts, wishing I would of stopped and smelled the roses more while raising our kids. Enjoying each moment as now that I’m older I realize time went by way too fast. Your outlook is awesome continue to enjoy each day and be blessed!!


  2. Happy birthday! You are absolutely right. “Having your stuff together” is a personal perception. It’s as frustratingly simple as that. As soon as you BELIEVE that you’re good enough, beautiful enough, and happy enough – you magically are. Countless products are sold to make people forget this, but congratulations on 32 years of experience and confidence to see though it! I think you’ll have a tremendous year ahead 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love the way you put your goal: “I wanted to live a life where I was loved, appreciated, & had people to care for & who took care of me.” I think this is what we all want.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Such a beautiful reminder to appreciate what you have while you have it!! I had the same dreams as you when I was young. People ask if I am going back to work, etc, but I’m actually doing my dream job right now. I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom and I’m living that reality now and loving every second of it.


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