The statements that you play on repeat in your head matter. You have the ability to inspire positivity in your life or usher in defeat.
Affirmation: the action or process of affirming something or being affirmed.
synonyms: declaration, statement, assertion, proclamation, pronouncement, oath, pledge
I will admit, I’m quite the personal bully to myself. This need, to be tough or seen as such hasn’t served me well. It has only led to emotional breakdowns that are more frequent & severe than necessary. The unrealistic expectations to magically become someone I’m not, weigh heavy. Feeling like I’m a failure, even though I’ve never given up. Needing a minute to breathe & then berating myself for needing that minute, hour, day, weekend, or whatever it is. Where do I get off, slurring off insults at myself because of things I need?!
Being the emotional person I am, I’ve always been irritated at how difficult it is to control all the feelings.
& just like that, I’m back on the playground in first grade, being called a crybaby. I remember deciding in that moment, that this whole feeling thing was not going to be my thing. From then on, when people said or did something that made me want to cry, I would just turn it into something funny.
This of course only worked, so well for me. Others thought I was funny, yes. I managed to keep friends, yes. But it didn’t always work, which fed my anger & led me to feel unknown.
Today as I type those words, I realize that I still have that problem. Although, I’ve made oodles of progress. I still find my feelings inconvenient & irritating. I still find myself overwhelmed under piles of blankets, crying, shouting questions at myself, inside my head, angrily. Why can’t I just not notice this or that?! Why can’t this not feel like a big deal?! Why is everyone else so chill, while I feel like a crazed rooster?! I chide myself for being too emotional.
When I arrive to this overly emotional place. The place where I’m outnumbered & backed into a corner by my feelings. I negatively affirm myself with ease. I tell myself that I’m too much. That I’m inconvenient. That I’m unlovable.
For years people have told me the contrary & yet, here I sit. After yet another stint of reclusion.
& if I dive a bit deeper, because that’s what I do. I would admit that I feel shame for being too emotional. I feel irresponsible & immature. I’m a 30 something-year-old woman who hasn’t yet mastered control over her emotional state. I’ve been given this enormous responsibility to be a supportive partner to my husband & to shape my children into healthy, emotionally mature humans; while not even knowing how to deal properly with my own.
BUT, where do I go from this place of self-reflection? What are my next steps & possibly yours, if you find yourself in the same boat?
I hate the idea of giving myself a free pass for something, just because others haven’t figured it out either.
Because I’m not comparing myself to you.
I’m just busy holding myself to some godlike standard, that I will honestly never achieve. When really, I’m supposed to:
- Keep moving forward.
- Focus on enjoying the journey & not just arriving at the destination.
- Positively affirm who I am.
Scoffing at the cheesiness, of overly used, inspirational quotes or at the ludicrous thought of positively affirming the wreck I am, I intentionally take a breath.
I encourage you to do the same. Breathe.
Now, let’s go back & re-read those three things with an open heart…
There are attributes about me worth positive affirmation. Whether they are unique or the exact same as everyone else who reads this blog, I am still worthy of affirmation. You are worthy of positive affirmation too.
Read the following aloud, if you dare 😉:
- I am loveable.
- I am not inconvenient to the people who are meant to be on this journey with me.
- I am strong.
- My tears & all the feelings, don’t make me weak.
- Allowing myself to feel all the feels, makes me strong.
- I am still Wonder Woman when I need to rest.
Write them down, come back here & read them over & over, or rewrite & add to them so they resonate deep within you. How do we quiet the bully? How do we change the narrative that’s replayed a trillion times in our head?
We repeat our new narrative filled with positive truth one trillion & one times!
You are worthy of positive affirmation.
Let us stop throwing stones at ourselves & use the same effort to build ourselves up.
We can do this, friends, as we keep moving forward, together.