Honestly, I’m not sure what to write.
The name of this blog is Namesste MOMMA & so I’ve put some kind of pressure on myself to write some epic Mother’s Day post. A post that will not only honor my Mum but inspire mommas everywhere.
But I’ve sat down to type it & the words simply refuse to come.
I wanted to write about the following picture…but I have emotions that seem to be too complex for words right now.
Maybe it’s because often I feel that, emotionally I’d like to be back in this place. Curled up in the sunshine surrounded by my Mum & all her love. sigh
Maybe it’s because when I think back to this time, I don’t remember feeling those things, because we butted heads often.
Maybe it’s because I miss her so much & I know how much she’s been missing me.
Maybe it’s because I’m thinking about how I’ve failed as a daughter, when I have been more annoyed than appreciative of her in my life & all that she’s given me.
I just am not sure. Each of these things seems to scrape the surface of the mountain of emotions within. I don’t want to say cliche things that I don’t mean in my heart. I don’t want to say generic things & not describe the depth of my love well.
Because the woman in this picture is one of my favorite people ever. We are both very much alike & yet very different. There are times where I don’t want to talk to anyone but her. & times when we have to take a few days away from talking because we’ve gotten under each other’s skin.
No matter what though, this picture is a physical representation of the deep love we have for one another. Safe, uncomplicated, constant, & quiet.
I think that it was difficult for her navigating the loss of her parents at such a young age. & the fact that she didn’t have a Mom in her thirties, I think makes it difficult sometimes for her to know exactly how to be there for me in the best way, through mine. But she doesn’t give up. She keeps showing up. She keeps asking for forgiveness. She keeps forgiving me. She keeps loving me & that is really what makes a great Mum…She tries.
Hey Mama, I love you just the way you are
My Mum has gone through times where she was:
- Quoting scripture as her primary language
- Practically a single Mom, while my Dad worked out of state
- Cried more than she sang
- In & out of the hospital
- Dealing with the loss of her parents
- Surrounded by friends
- In need of comfort
- Rebuilding her life after losing almost everything in a house fire
& through each season, I can honestly say that I loved her & still do, just the way she is.
We all have mess. Sometimes it’s easier to see the beauty in our chaos, than it is at other times. But for all you Mommas reading this, please know that if you are sincerely trying your best there are very few ways that you can honestly mess “it” up.
Your kids will love you, because you are you. You are their mother.
So keep moving forward! You are worth celebrating!
I hope you have a very Happy Momma’s Day, being celebrated & celebrating the women in your life that have tried their best & made an impact in your life.
The Mess in Me Honors the Mess in You