Some years will end up being a blur to you. As me & my Hunky Hubby tried to talk about year two of our marriage, we quickly realized this was the case. Some things we did remember:
- Moving from Texas to Florida
- Rescuing our Mowgali Cat
- Awful Communication
- Poor Choices
- Hosting Thanksgiving
- Strained Family Relationships
- Becoming an Aunt & Uncle
- Fertility Issues
Did I mention anger? Yeah, our anxiety presented itself as anger over & over again. We didn’t know that’s what was happening though, so we just dug deeper into the soil of hurts we had planted ourselves in.
On the second year of marriage my true love gave to me anger ever swelling.
To sum up year two for us in a nice neat sentence for you?
Year two of marriage for us was all about learning that things didn’t just happen because we wanted them to.
- We didn’t just magically get married & could afford a nice apartment.
- We didn’t get married & just suddenly communicate & understand one another perfectly.
- We didn’t decide to pull the goalie & immediately get pregnant.
- We didn’t move to a new state & quickly find a home church.
Life was tough & it took hard work. We’d obviously been told this a million & one times. If you would have asked us if we knew that life & marriage were hard work, we would have quickly said, well duh! However, looking back, our actions & decisions presented a much different truth. We were clueless.
There were times where I wanted to quit. Many in fact. One in particular, I had packed my suitcase. I think I may have even called my Rents & told them I was on my way. Although the whole situation is a bit blurry, we both vaguely remember, my Hunky Hubby saying something like: I won’t let you leave.
No, this was not a hostage situation. That moment of packing & throwing a fit, was an example of my desperation. I felt overwhelmed with emotion & disappointment. I felt so misunderstood & inadequate. Adding family misunderstandings & conflict on top of the heap, left me feeling absolutely crushed at times.
When I think of year two & even three…I honestly don’t see a lot of happiness. I see a lot of mistakes & a lot of hurt. Looking back I remember often feeling like we were lost & like we were drowning.
But the bad is what has the loudest voice from that year. There was in fact good sprinkled throughout.
We learned to lean on one another – because we didn’t really have anyone else. Which felt lonely at the time, but helped us strengthen our bond, in the long run.
We celebrated making it through year two with a fancy dinner & were on to making memories in year three.
The lessons we took away from year two?
Appreciate your humble beginnings.
Train, save, learn, & start out small.
Trying to skip steps, ends up with you face planting into the concrete called life & all the injuries that go along with doing so.
Take a breath before you spit out your rebuttals.
Learn each other’s spoken language. Choose to filter the words you hear, through the heart you know.
Seek to understand rather than trying to prove you’re right.
Remember that if the bigger picture = a lifetime with this person, you owe it to them & yourself to lay a good foundation. You can do this by talking everything out, being considerate, & forgiving one another quickly.
You didn’t marry a perfect person. You married someone who is perfect for you, so they will end up being an integral part in shaping who you become. Don’t give up, when that doesn’t feel good or may feel crushing.
Celebrate every little thing. Because when life is yucky, it’s important to spot the sunshine wherever you can. Take notice & keep hopeful.
After year two, we were excited to keep moving forward! We were excited to do it better.
Being the stubborn person I am, I simply told myself, that I wouldn’t allow my marriage to be a failure, somehow I’d figure out how to do it better. Somehow WE would figure out how to do it better, together. & I’m so grateful that we eventually did.
On the second year of marriage my True Love gave to me:
Anger ever swelling,
arguments & smooches
& a set of wedding rings.
The Mess in Me Honors the Mess in You